I just wanted to record our thoughts...

As we enter tricky conversations, we want to honor each other and protect a chance to engage fully in a learning environment that we desire. Yes, WE are MV, and we are also real people.

Things that shut people down...

• condescension
• disrespect
• folks thin-slicing/oversimplifying my thoughts
• indirect/subtle comments
• assumptions, biases
• interrupting
• lack of effort/empathy to find common ground
• thoughts undervalued due to things we can't help (ex/social class, gender, age, race, etc...)
• discrimination
• disengagement
• "parrot talk"
• listening to argue rather than to understand
• not listening (or working to understand fully)
• "gas lighting" (abuse by twisting someone's words)
• assumption that my logic is flawed without approaching the details of the actual logic
• exclusion
• interrogation
• refusal to wonder (cut off before thought expressed)
• assumption of an expert
• "tunnel vision"

How then do we engage with honor?

• empathy trumps being right
• respect
• acceptance
• mindful words
• listen, don't label
• hear the person out with a posture of figuring out the validity of his/her point
• Guard your own heart against offense by kindly confronting the point that is offensive, hopefully with a clarifying question or an honest admission of the corner you feel backed into.
• "walk softly"
• avoid personal attacks